Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Logic of a 5 Year Old

First off, I should clarify that this is the logic of a very tired and upset 5 year old.

OK, let me see if I can attempt to recreate the evening adventure through a bit of the 'dialog'.

Setting: Bedtime at Grandma and Grandpa Ziggy's
Mood: Maya is extremely upset. All of her dialog and heated, agitated, frustrated, and screamed through sobs. Corey is cool on the outside but also agitated, frustrated, and about to loose all of that external cool at any moment.

8:10PM
Corey: Maya, please get your jammies on.
Maya: NO! I Want To Play!
Corey: OK, you can play for a little bit after you put your jammies on.
Maya: NO! I Want To Play Now!
Corey: You need to put your jammies on first.
[... mulitple choices, deals, compromises, and banters back and forth, none of which are remotely successful ...]
8:25PM
Corey: Maya, you're using up all of your play time with this fighting. Please get ready for bed.
Maya: NO! You're Being Mean to Me. You Need to Say You're Sorry Now!
Corey: OK, I'm sorry. Will you please get you jammies on.
Maya: That Wasn't a Nice Sorry. You Need to say Sorry Nice!
Corey: Maya, I'm very sorry for making you upset.
[long pause - apology is apparently accepted]
Corey: Maya, are you going say 'I'm sorry' to me for getting so upset.
Maya: NO! I'm NOT Going to Say Sorry Today. I'll Say Sorry Tomorrow After School!
[... several more rounds of trying to get dressed ...]
8:45PM - 9:25PM
Unsuccessful attempts to force the issue resulting is chasing, screaming, restraining, then a lot more screaming:
Maya: You're Hurting Me. You Hit Me. You Hit Me 20 Times. It Hurts Really Bad. You're the Meanest Dad Ever!
[I'm not sure where she learned this tactic, but frankly it is quite scary. Especially with all the real cases of abuse and neglect and the hyper-vigilence of governering agencies. Hopefully she never blurts those aqusations in public!]
So after serveral minutes I finally get her clothes off and begin to put her jammies on - all under much duress.
Maya: I Want to Put on My Jammies Myself
Corey: [Handing the jammie bottoms to Maya] OK, here they are.
Maya: NO! You Put Them On Me!
Corey: [Approaching Maya on the couch] Please put your leg in.
Maya: NO! Get Away From Me. You're Mean.
Corey: [Backs away from the couch]
Maya: NO! Come Back Here.
Corey: Please put you jammies on, Maya.
Maya: I Want You To Do It.
Corey: [Approaches Maya on the couch again] Please put your leg in.
Maya: NO! I Want to Get Dressed Myself.
Corey: [Hands the jammies to Maya]
Maya: NO! You Do It.
Corey: OK, put your leg in.
Maya: NO! YOU Put My Leg In.
[Finally managing to get the bottoms on we now proceed with the top.]
Maya: I Won't Put My Top on Until Grandpa Leaves. [Grandpa had witnessed most of the unslaught and was pretty much flabber-gasted. Grandpa leaves the scene of incident.]
Corey: [Places the tops over her head]
Maya: NO! That's Not The Right Way. [Jammie top is flung across the room.]
Corey: Maya will you please put you jammies on.
Maya: NO! You Put Them On Me.
Corey: [Attempts again to put the jammies on.]
Maya: NO! I Want To Do It.
Corey: [Hands the top to Maya]
Maya: NO! YOU Put it On Me.
Corey: [Gathers up one of the sleeves assuming that this must be 'the right way' - Silly Dad]
Maya: NO! You Have To Put My Arm In.
Maya: NO! My Other Arm.
9:25PM
Finally dressed - still sobbing but doing much better
Cuddle time. Decompression time. Apology time.
9:40PM - Finally go to bed
9:41PM - Mini Fit - about playing with her favorite toys which are still downstairs.
9:44PM - Playtime on her bed
9:50PM - Finally turn off the lights, say prayers, and go to sleep

Exhausted

Comments on "The Logic of a 5 Year Old"

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (Sunday, March 19, 2006 8:34:00 PM) : 

This is the coolest story I have ever heard and hope that Parker and Payton never have one of these episodes but I'm sure we will. Good luck with the next one.

 

Blogger Shaka said ... (Sunday, March 19, 2006 9:42:00 PM) : 

It was definately an interesting evening. If you get the chance, ask dad his version of the evening. I'm sure you will have lots of great stories too with those two bruisers! :)

 

post a comment