Thursday, April 27, 2006


For many years now I have had two bits of wisdom that have guided my life in a productive and meaningful way. I have tried to pass this wisdom on when I get the chance. I hope that these two nuggets of exceding worth will be of great value in your life as well:
  • Never pet a burning dog.
  • Never goose a man with a chainsaw.
Sometime in the not so distant past I came upon a new set of wise tidbits that I feel compelled to share. I'm not sure where I found this collection. If I stole it from you - Thanks. Let me know and I'll give you credit. If you have more, please add them.

  • Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
  • The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
  • It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
  • Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • No one is listening until you fart.
  • Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  • If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  • If you lend someone $20 and you never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  • If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
  • Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
  • Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
  • Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
  • Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • We are born naked, wet, hungry and get slapped on our butt. Then, things get worse.
  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • There is fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
  • No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
  • There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday.......around age 11.
  • Everyone seems normal, until you get to know them.
  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

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